Too many things

I have too many things.  Most people in America do.   Vast amounts of things.  Just looking around my room, I see three computers, fifteen guitars, two amplifiers and various piles of music gear, a cupboard and desk with more office supplies than I will use in a year, a scanner I haven’t used in months, a printer, a fax, a television and a game console.  There are two crates of action figures in the cupboard and a desk full of craft related items.  There’s a rack of magazines I haven’t read in months and a display with 12 baseball hats on it. Aside from these goodies, every available shelf, drawer, nook and cranny are filled with decorative items of one sort or another in an effort to make sure no space sits empty.  And this is my workspace, supposedly optimized to remove distractions and get work done.

Things weren’t always this way. In my parents’ day, things were a little more rare, and thus a little more valuable.  There was one television in the house, where there are four in mine (and would have been five, had I not loaned one out).  In my parents’ house, we had tiny closets that still managed to hold our wardrobes, toys, vacuum cleaners, sports equipment, etc. My bedroom has two walk in closets and several dressers and chests, and had I not had a recent Salvation Army purging, would have been stuffed to the degree that I couldn’t find anything.   I thought I had an admirable toy collection in my childhood, but both of yours dwarf it by a factor of ten or more.  You’ve both had toys passed along to charity that were still new, simply because you didn’t have time to get to them before you outgrew them.

I know why it’s happened.  When your mother and I were young, we didn’t have a lot of money.  Material things seemed so valuable and desirable.  So when we gained money, we gained lots of things.  Having the power to accumulate all the things we desired and couldn’t have when we were younger was just intoxicating.

But as I get older, more and more I’m seeing these things as more of a burden than a joy:

• When I had one nice suit, I kept it immaculate.  Now that I have several, some of them have problems – a missing button, a determined stain.  But they haven’t been taken care of because I can just pick up another suit from the closet.
• When I had one guitar, I kept it in great condition – truly showcase quality.  With a multitude of them, I just don’t have time to keep them all sparkly.  Some are out of tune.  Several need string changes.  They all need dusting.  But who’s got a whole day to dedicate to keeping them up?  And in the end, I can only play one at a time.
• I used to adore action figures, so I collected them.  Recently I packed them all up because they were so problematic.  I was so busy keeping dust off, re-attaching accessories, finding display options that I wasn’t taking any time to enjoy them.
• Once upon a time, I could quote every lyric from every album I owned – I knew them intimately.  My collection is so large now, I’ve got a lot of albums I haven’t even heard, just taking up space.

I’m trying to turn this situation around for you, but not having a lot of luck thanks to doting grandparents and current culture’s burning need to keep putting things in your hands.  So this is a situation where I’m going to have to beg you to listen to my words instead of my example

What you don’t understand when you start to accumulate things is that the value in them is not the retail price or the volume, but the value you derive from them.  A new car in your driveway is worth a few days of pride and indulgence, and after the new wears off, the same value that your old car provided – a ride from here to there.

And worse than that, the accumulation of things becomes a burden in maintaining those things.  A big house full  of nice things takes a lot of work to keep up – time and resources that could be spent enjoying life instead of serving your possessions.  And if you decide to hire out the maintenance of your things, then you have to spend more time at work to earn money to do this – more time away from living life.

I can think of lots of things I bought that I would hesitate to buy again:

• A big house.  I really thought we needed this much room, but as it turns out, we gravitate toward the same small spaces and a lot of rooms are just repositories and museums for nice things.
• An expensive engagement ring.  This is a hard choice, because a lot of a girl’s ego is tied up in this little purchase.  But when you think of it, you spend several thousand dollars on a rock – and probably one that abused a generation of poor people to produce.
• Flashy clothes, cars and other status symbols.  As soon as a peer gets one, or the first time it stains or dents, it’s just another piece of junk.
• Toys, guitars, electronics and other distractions.  I really don’t know that they were worth what was put into them.  I don’t regret my passion and involvement with guitars, but I wish that several impulse purchases that turned out to be junk had never happened.

Why is America like this?  Because the people who sell you stuff are really good at it.  They research you, categorize you and send you messages designed to get you to pull out your wallet across every available medium.  We consume radio/tv/internet stuffed full of advertising. We get our food in carefully planned packaging designed to enhance its attractiveness.  Where once my GI Joes were loosely stuffed in a cardboard box, your toys today are bound in exciting positions with hundreds of attachments – even the dolls’ hair is sewn in place lest one shake of the box make it look less attractive.  We pay a premium for designer logos – they actually have us brainwashed to the point where we pay the manufacturer more for the privilege of  promoting their products for us.

It’s not easy to defeat this kind of onslaught.  But one thing I do these days when faced with a purchase is ask myself “Is this going to make my life better?”  Am I buying something out of need, or desire?  Will it make my life happier, or is it just one more thing to add to the collection.  And because I’m a bargain hunter, I remind myself that an object I won’t use is not a bargain, even if I got it at a significant discount.

It’s working so far.  And I hope it works better for you in the end.

 

Competition drives, cooperation thrives

Competition gets drilled into your head at an early age.  You learn to want to be the best – to win the game, have the neatest toys, the best clothes, the nicest car, the starting position, the highest GPA.

Competition can push you to be better, but working with other people toward a common goal can do the same while being sustaining and nurturing.  The approach you take depends on the people you’re involved with.  If they are determined to compete, you have to learn to not take it personally and give your best too.  If they are willing to cooperate, you can not only improve yourself,  but also improve others and develop yourself as a great leader in the process.

• When studying in school, you can hole up in your room, learn the material and get the best grades. Your parents and teachers will appreciate it, but your peers might not.  What if instead you organized group study projects for the class by which you all learned from each other, encouraged each other to succeed and had a great time in the process?
• As an athlete, you could practice relentlessly at home and become better than anyone on your team. You might attract a scout, but if your team isn’t winning, it will be difficult.  What if instead you organized your friends on the team to have small group practices outside of the regular ones, or joined a gym together?  Not only could you be a better player yourself, you could also have a team that’s more capable of getting you attention and some great friends to boot.
• At work, you might research a project in your spare time and come up with a brilliant solution.  But what if instead you enlisted some co-workers to help you? Not only might you deliver a better solution, but it would have more internal support and you’d be recognized for your leadership skills as well as your expertise.  Leadership is more likely to move you up than a particular point of expertise.

There are times for competition – particularly when your peers are not inclined to cooperate.  But when you can make it work, it’s amazing.

 

Lagging Motivation

It happens to all of us.  You start out with the best intentions and a powerful drive, but somewhere along the way enthusiasm wanes.  Two days into your diet you find yourself on the sofa with a bag of chips.  A week into your big project and you’ve hit writer’s block.  Your goals seem less important and you’re tempted with the ease of abandoning your efforts.

Staying motivated is never easy, but not impossible.  There are more than a few ways to get yourself back on track.

•  Reconnect yourself with your motivational roots.  What inspired you to get started? A book, a person, an observation? Go back to it and rekindle the fire.
• Reconnect yourself with your goal. Visualize the end result.  Take your mind off the here and now.  Spend some time picturing yourself completing your goal and how you’ll feel about that accomplishment.  Remind yourself that time invested is time well spent.
• Make it easier.  Put structures in place to get you moving toward your goal.  Eliminate bad foods from your household to stay on a diet.  Make exercise a no-excuses daily event.  Don’t allow yourself to watch television until you’ve written a certain number of pages. Roll out the red carpet for your goal so it’s easier to pursue it.
• Find kindred spirits. Find others who are pursuing similar goals and motivate each other.  Be responsible for each other.  Find a workout partner, or a working partner.  Have a little friendly competition. When you have someone to answer to, it’s a little easier to keep pushing.  And if you can’t find a particular someone, then work on it in public.  You tend to be a bit more motivated to work if you think others are looking at you.
• Teach someone else. Commit yourself to helping someone that’s at a lower level than you.  To keep your enthusiasm up for your baseball practice, teach a younger kid the fundamentals.  Volunteer to help a coach with Little League.  It really helps to reconnect you to the enthusiasm of just starting out.

Above all, just take action.  Thinking about your problems make them appear a lot larger than they really are.  Agonizing over them actually sets you back, since you’re fighting the dread you’re creating along with the problem. If you’re doing something about it, you’re moving forward.

 

Focusing on Solutions

Everyone experiences a particular inclination to see things in a certain way. It’s called a mindset, and it’s a powerful influence over your cognitive processes If you are of the mindset that people are basically bad, you are likely to interpret innocent statements as malicious attacks. If your mindset is that people are basically good, you may well see even an intentional slur as an innocent gesture.

This in itself could be applied to a host of discussions. But today I want to talk about motivation.

Motivation is a struggle we all share. We all want to be the best people we can be. We all want to achieve and stand out among the crowd. We all want to line up our goals, work honestly toward them and mold ourselves into the ideals we have for ourselves. But so often, it’s hard to get started. Or to keep going. Or to add a little more effort. Our brains find excuses to do otherwise. I’m too tired to exercise today. I’m not in the mood to study. I can sleep just a little later. I’m too young to make a difference. I’m too old to make a change.

If you want to live a life guided by purpose instead of excuses, you need to train yourself to focus on solutions instead of problems. Problems demand caution, hesitation, doubt and negative motion. Solutions encourage action, confidence and progression.

One of the simplest ways to implement this is to train yourself to seek solutions instead of problems. Instead of dwelling on the things holding you back, spend time on the things that allow you to move forward.

• When faced with the snooze button on your morning alarm, consider “What kind of things can I accomplish today” instead of “Can I get away with sleeping in for a few more minutes”
• When lacking motivation to exercise, ask yourself “Could I lift more than last time” instead of “What harm would come of skipping today”
• When struggling with a diet, think “How much better will this meal make me look” instead of “Am I going to have to give up my favorite foods forever”
• At the end of a work day, think “What else could I get out of the way” instead of “Can I get away with knocking off early”
• When you’re nervous at a party or social situation, think “What things in common might I find with people here tonight” instead of “Am I embarassing myself”

You see, when you focus on your problems, you just reinforce them. Even if you generate solutions, you’re likely to stall them considering the problems that they may introduce. You’re basically focusing on things you can’t control, and realizing that just breeds more negativity. But if you learn to focus on what you control, what you can do, what actions you can take – then you have something you can work with. A reason to get up and get moving. A light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t worry about the things you can’t change. Focus on the things you can.

 

Being a Beginner

It’s OK to be a beginner.

Ego plays a huge role in our lives, often to our detriment. One of its strangest tendencies is to convince us that the only the top performers are worth watching – that somehow the world expects us to be experts in our particular chosen disciplines. We somehow believe the world cocks an eyebrow at our endeavors and says “Amaze me, or you’re just wasting my time”.

You’ll see it more frequently as you grow older. Little by little the demands of ego win out over our own curiosity. We tend to dwell on past glories and root ourselves in the things we’ve had previous success in. We get so caught up in the idea of performance that branching out to new things seems overly risky. And we continue to follow the same paths, run the same plays. We figure we’re too old to take up a new sport. We’re too entrenched to begin a new career. We have too many financial responsibilities to take on a new endeavor.

But there are a couple of important things to keep in mind:

• You never know what you’ll be great at. You’ll never know if you will find something really rewarding unless you attempt it first. Just because you’ve never shown aptitude for something in the past doesn’t mean the potential isn’t there. Try new things. If something seems interesting, get into it enough to learn the basics. If it seems worthwhile, pursue it. If not, drop it. At the least you’ll have a future topic of conversation with people who enjoy it.
  
• Everyone was a beginner sometime. It’s OK to really stink when you take on something new. I would guess that Michael Jordan did not hit his first attempt at a basketball shot. No one comes out of the gate as an expert. You are expected to start at a beginner level. Just because your first drawing looks like a modified stick man doesn’t mean that you have no potential. Very few people have a “natural” talent. It’s grown – directly or indirectly – over a long span of time.
• Life is not a race. You’re really only in competition with yourself. Some of the greatest contributors to society hit their peaks later in life. And quite a few hit it at an early age. In the end, you only have to meet your own timeline. If you want to start a business as a teenager, or take up rock guitar as a retiree, who’s to judge? If it fulfils you and you find yourself passionate about it, denying yourself the pleasure is the only bad approach.

I spent a lot of time in my teens attempting to learn to sketch and paint, with less than stellar results. It just never went anywhere for me. When I got into digital art, I found I had some degree of talent. My brain is just better wired for trial and error approaches, and the cheapskate in me always felt guilty about “wasting” materials. When I switched to computer based drawing and the waste factor was removed, I got fairly good at it. But I never would have known that without attempting it.

A college friend of mine that went into the medical profession decided to take up knitting on a whim to keep his hands busy during breaks. He was a bit self conscious about it, being a guy investing himself in a stereotypical “girl’s” pastime, but he always was drawn to the patterns in them. It turns out he got really good at it and it became a very enjoyable pastime. He says now that it’s done wonders for him in keeping his hands flexible.

The first time I attempted to use chopsticks it was quite amusing. I simply didn’t have the dexterity and little idea of the proper technique. But it looked like a cool skill, so I persisted. And got quite talented at it. I really appreciate that skill these days because I love eating with wooden implements. With my head so full of dental fillings, a metal fork leaves a metallic taste with every bite. Being able to use a set of chopsticks really enhances a meal, particularly some of my favorite Asian dishes.

A mind IS a terrible thing to waste.

 

Dare Mighty Things

It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that know neither victory nor defeat. –
Theodore Roosevelt

Some great advice that I’ll leave as is.

Forwarded to you by someone who has sometimes been in the arena, many times more in the stands, but always aware of where the credit’s due.

 

Competition

The only competition worthy of a wise man is with himself. – Washington Allston
Focus on competition has always been a formula for mediocrity. – Daniel Burrus

Competition is a wonderful thing. There’s no greater motivational or performance-enhancing tool. You will never give as much of yourself to preparation as you will to competing in a contest. You will stretch your body just a little more in a game than in practice. You will put up a little more weight on the bench when you’re lifting with a group of friends. You will work a little longer and exercise your brain more thoroughly when you’re put on a parallel task at work. You will turn on a little more charm with that special someone if you know someone else has an eye on them. We’re simply wired in a “survival of the fittest” mentality, and nothing gets us going faster than seeing someone that’s looking a little fitter to our side.

That kind of mentality translates to life in general, as well. Competition is the tool that keeps us from mediocrity. It’s what drives us to achieve our potential. But you need to choose the right competitor.

The only suitable competition is yourself. Your past achievements. Your demonstrated capacity. You are the only person worth outdoing.

You see a lot of people that miss that fact. They believe they’re competing with their peers, their neighbors, their friends, the people around them. These are the kids that have to have the starting slots on the team, or who’ll die if they’re not cheerleaders. These are the college students who need to act out in such as way that they’ll be seen as bigger risk takers. These are the people of all ages who have a need to own the nicest clothes, the most expensive car, the biggest salary, the biggest home or the most prestigious title.

What’s the problem with this kind of competition? It falls short in two areas:

• There’s always someone better out there. It’s a common occurance for people who were Big Fish in high school to hit college and experience depression because they’re in a larger environment and no longer the smartest/wealthiest/coolest/most athletic kid on the block. Lots of college sports stars quickly find they can’t handle pro sports because they’re not used to that level of competition. You never really succeed when you compete against those around you, because when you move to the next level, you find you’re just at the bottom rung of a taller ladder. Goal achievement is critical to motivation – no one wants to keep playing if they’re always losing.
• When you believe you’re the best, you stagnate. If you do happen to reach the pinnacles of your particular devotion, or if you choose to stay in a smaller pond so you can be the Big Fish, there’s little motivation to change. You tend to sit still and lose what advantage you have. Meanwhile, those below you are moving toward your vantage point and disdaining you for not going farther.

Competing with yourself is the only guaranteed challenge and the only path worth pursuing. When you set your past performance as the competition, you ensure that you do your best. You don’t let the headstart someone else gets discourage you from making your own play. You don’t allow yourself to plateau at the level of your peers. You don’t run out of motivation to compete, because there’s always a higher level to go to. And you put yourself in a fair contest, where you have more than a good shot at succeeding.

And most importantly, you set your own goals instead of letting other people set them for you.

Don’t you want your destiny to be your own choice?

 

Making mistakes

Few things are more frustrating than making mistakes. In addition to whatever circumstances you inflict on yourself as the result of a mistake, there’s the additional dig to your ego. We like to kid ourselves that we’re somehow infallible. That if we focus carefully enough, we can make the right choices every time and enter some blissful alpha state of life.

There is a lot of value in making mistakes. The lessons you learn help you to expand your horizons and prepare for bigger challenges down the road. It’s a necessary component to growth. Most successful business owners have a streak of failed businesses that preceded the good one. Many multi-millionaires have been through bankruptcy. It’s a fact that you have to take risks in order to pull away from the crowd. The law of averages ensures that along with that risk will come failure occasionally. If you dig beneath the superficial, you’ll generally find that the people you admire generally came about those traits through a trial and error process.

The key to growth in your mistakes is this: Never make the same mistake twice.

Making the same mistake twice means you didn’t learn from the experience. You didn’t take a look at what went wrong and correct the problems for the next application. These are the persons that can’t find their way out of debt. That can’t hold relationships together. That spend their lives waiting for some miracle to pluck them out of the mundane and hand them a blissful life on a silver platter. Experience will teach you that these acts of grace rarely happen, and that most people blessed with a windfall tend to waste it away because they hadn’t developed the skills and habits necessary to preserve what they were handed.

When you find yourself in a situation of acknowledging a failure, take some time to review it.

• Why did I fail? What contributed to this undesired outcome?
• What could I have done differently to bring about the outcome I wanted?
• Who/what were the sources of faulty information that I relied on?
• What personality quirks of mine may have contributed to the mistake?
• What kind of safeguards can I put in place to avoid it in the future?
• How can I change my way of thinking to be better prepared the next time opportunity arises?

Someone I know makes an ongoing practice of keeping the mistakes he makes in a little book to periodically review. It’s a bit anal-retentive, but very effective. Before he steps off the deep end into a big decision, he makes it a ritual to re-read the “book of mistakes”, just to ensure he’s thought things through from every angle.

Mistakes aren’t something that many people desire, but they are good. As long as you receive them and learn from them. They’re the most effective educator around.