Persistence

You don’t always get it right the first time…

• Abraham Lincoln failed in business in 1831. He was defeated for the legislature in 1832. He failed in business again in 1834. Hi beloved, Ann Rutledge, died in 1835. Had a nervous breakdown in ‘1836. Was defeated in election in 1838. Defeated for Congress in 1843, 1846, and for a third time in 1848. Lincoln was defeated for Senate in 1855, and defeated for Vice President in 1856. In 1858 he was defeated for Senate. And finally in 1860 he was elected President!
• Thomas Edison built 1800 prototypes until he created the first light bulb. He was one of America’s most prolific inventors, and he was granted 1,093 patents by the U.S. Patent office, including motion picture cameras, the phonograph, and the storage battery. But his inventions included such failures as a perpetual cigar, furniture made of cement, and a flying machine.
• Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, and yet he found it difficult to secure a major backer. In the same year he patented the telephone, 1876, Bell tried to sell exclusive rights to the telephone to Western Union, the leading communications company at the time, for $100,000. William Orton, Western Union’s president, declined the offer, saying: “What use could this company make of an electrical toy?” The rest, as they say, is history.
• Frank Herbert is the author of Dune, the epic science-fiction tale. The book was rejected by 13 publishers with comments like “too slow,” “confusing and irritating,” “too long,” and “issues too clear-cut and old fashioned.” But Herbert was persistent. Dune went on to win the two highest awards in the science-fiction writing and has sold over 10 million copies.
• Albert Einstein was a poor elementary school student. He failed his first college entrance exam at Zurich Polytechnic. However he went on to develop one of the greatest theories of Physics, The Theory of Relativity. He won the Nobel Prize in Physics and today his name is synonymous with the word “Genius.” He will go down in history as one of the greatest scientists in the history of the world.
• Henry Ford failed in business and went broke five times before he finally succeeded. In his first car, he forgot to put in a reverse gear. Then in 1957, he created bragged about the “car of the decade,” the Edsel. This car was infamous for its doors that wouldn’t close, a hood that wouldn’t open, paint that peeled, a horn that stuck, and a notoriety that made resale impossible. Despite this, Ford went on to much success.
• Col. Harland Sanders (the Kentucky Fried Chicken Guy) traveled across the country trying to franchise his business. On the 1009th try he got his first sale. Today, KFC is a worldwide success story.

If at first you don’t succeed…

 

Talent and Tools

Abraham Lincoln composed the Gettysburg address on a piece of ordinary stationary he borrowed from a friend while staying in their house. James Joyce wrote with a #2 pencil and a cheap notebook. Van Gogh rarely painted with more than  6 colors on his palette.

How is this meaningful?  Consider how many statesmen are out there working with a fleet of speechwriters and stenographers whose words will never make an impact.  Consider how many writers with state of the art computers with spell checking and access to an immense library of material will never finish the book they’re working on.  Consider how many artists with private studios and hundreds of tools will never create something worth more than the canvas it was painted on.

You see, there’s no correlation between creative talent and the quality of your tools.

A lot of times as a creative person, you’re tempted to hide behind your tools.  Artists attempt to dazzle you with the variety of colors and materials and effects they can generate.  Third rate movies slosh special effects to try to cover up a disinteresting story.  Very often  the tools of shock or outrageousness is put in place to cover a lack of talent.

Even worse, beginners often use their tools as an excuse for not performing.  If only I had ____, then I’d do something special.  Or worse, when I get _____, then I’ll get serious.

The fact is, your tools are no excuse.  The best artists simplify, reducing their tools to those that are easily manageable and familiar to the touch. Fact is, plenty of people have access to the best tools.  Very few have the talent to do something with them.

Don’t use your tools as an excuse to perform poorly, and don’t allow their facility to squelch your creativity.

 

Negative thinking

Negative thinking is likely the most damaging thing a person can do to themselves. It has a way of creeping into your thoughts unchecked and making house there. It’s reinforced by popular media. And it’s easy to get on the bandwagon when it’s flaunted by a friend. And it systematically limits your potential and your mental health.

I want to give you some examples of negative thinking and suggest some paths to replacing it with something more positive.

I will be happy when _____

Whether you’re waiting to get out of school, get in a relationship, acquire an amount of money or getting past a problem situation, the result is the same. The goal never gets there. If you think a million dollars will make you happy, be assured the figure will become two million when you get closer to the goal. That’s just the way it works. The mystique of the near-unattainable goal is what drives you, not the hard figures. You can be happy right now. Count your blessings, see the positive side of things. Keep pursuing your goals, but understand that happiness is not connected to them, and never will be.

I wish I were as ____ as _____

Maybe you want to be as attractive/ talented/ wealthy/ popular as a particular peer or celebrity. The truth is, there’s always someone better out there. If you get to a point where you equal your point of comparison, the point of comparison will change. Comparing yourself to others is not a winning proposition. You’ll either never live up to your goals, or you’ll set them too low. The real race is with yourself, learning to be better than you were yesterday and searching for your potential. Comparison points are just mileposts. Work to be a better you.

I can’t do anything right – I’m a failure

Everyone is a failure from a particular point of view. The most successful people fail regularly – but they achieve success because they refuse to let it slow them down. Remember your successes and celebrate them. And understand that when you fail, you’ve simply learned how not to do something and in so doing, made the path to success a little bit clearer.

And keep in mind that everyone thinks like this occasionally. The guy you envy for his sports prowess may be just as jealous of you for your intelligence. The girl you want to be as popular as may envy your stable family life.

Why do bad things always happen to me?

Bad things happen to everyone. It’s part of the natural ebb and flow of life. Everyone has ups and downs. If you’re at a low point, you have to understand that things will get better. If you’re riding high, understand that bad things will eventually come your way. Just make sure it doesn’t hold you back. Keep moving forward and the pain, the hurt, the suffering will eventually pass. Learn from your experience, avoid it next time if you can and grow stronger from the effort. The only losers in life are the ones who quit trying.

I can’t ______

Then you won’t. Simple as that. If you limit yourself in your mind, you won’t ever go beyond that limit. Turn your thinking around and say “I can”. Very, very little is outside the reach of a person who’s motivated to reach a goal. I learned “never say never” when I saw 5′7″ Spud Webb win the 1986 NBA Slam Dunk competition – beating 6′8″ Dominique Wilkins.

Certainly I could go into more depth here.  But the important thing to glean is that negative thinking is an adversary in itself -  just focusing on what you aren’t limits what you can be.

 

Visualization

You’re always a bit more confident when repeating an accomplishment that you are when attempting something for the first time. When accomplishment has removed the last shadows of doubt, you step more easily into the role – you know you can do it. So when you’re faced with a difficult task, why not do it the second time instead?

It’s a known fact that your brain has difficulty distinguishing a vivid impression from a real event. If you can vividly imagine the details of an accomplishment, your brain believes to a degree that you’ve already accomplished it in real life. By sitting down and visualizing a situation, you can experience it for the first time on your own terms, giving you confidence for a repeat performance.

The more vivid your visualization, the more powerful an effect will be generated. So imagine yourself successfully completing the attempt with as many details as possible.

For example, imagine you are supposed to deliver a speech to a large group for the first time. Picture in your mind the experience from start to finish:

• How will you get to the location? If you’re driving, what does the car look/smell/sound like? Will you be sleepy, or finishing up a meal? Where will your parking space be? What will the weather be like as you enter the building?
• Where will you wait before going onstage? Will you be reviewing notes? What does this place look/smell/sound like? Are you nervous? Sweating?
• How will you be announced? How long a walk to the podium? Will you greet the audience as you walk onstage or wait until you reach the podium? How will your notes be arranged on the podium? Will you have a glass of water there? Is the audience friendly, hostile, indifferent? How many people will be in attendance? Can you see their faces clearly?
• What tone of voice will you use as you deliver the speech? Will you be nervous or sweating? How much will you use your hands? Will you have specific gestures designed to emphasize a point, or just express yourself freely? What’s the climax of your speech and will you emphasize it with your tone of voice or a gesture?
• How much applause will follow when you finish? Will you answer questions? What sort of questions will be asked? Are there any topics you intend to avoid? How will you exit the stage? Where will you go after exiting?
• Will you greet your audience after dismissal? What will you say to people who compliment you? How long will you greet the group? What will you do after it’s over?

Of course, you’re not going to be able to determine all the details of your performance to come. You might be wrong about a lot of things. But going through the process of visualizing the entire walkthrough will put you at ease about your performance and allow you to do your best work.

 

Talent

At some point in time, no doubt you’ve noticed people that are unusually good at certain things. The star student that aces every exam. The quarterback that’s perpetually an all-star. The guy with lots of charisma that everyone gets along with. The artist or musician that is better than anyone else you know. Often people say that this person was simply born with a natural affinity to these things – they have a natural talent. There’s something in their makeup that makes easy to them what you find difficult.

Talent is a myth, and a dangerous one at that.

Genetic differences between human beings are minor fluctuations, minimal differences that aren’t worth mentioning, for the most part. The difference between a “talented” person and one who isn’t is the degree of effort they put into developing those skills. Someone can be born slightly better suited for a skill, but it’s nothing compared to the amount of effort they put into gaining that skill.

The star student gets the grades because they’ve honed the learning process. They’ve learned how to listen, learn and study. You may object, saying that someone you know “never cracks a book” for a test and still does well. I know – I was one of those guys. The reason I rarely spent hours in study is because I learned how to listen properly in class and digest the material then, so study time just became practice time for me. And when I did study, I used methods and techniques that let me retain the material I was likely to be tested on effectively.

The star athlete may have some more natural athletic ability because they got more exercise as a child, but the bulk of their talent comes from learning the game, practicing regularly, visualizing results, weight training, etc. Michael Jordan may have had a body that was well suited for basketball, but there’s a million other guys with the same build that will never live up to his potential. The differentiator was the effort he expounded to be as good as he was.

The reason a belief in talent is dangerous is because it convinces you that something is out of your reach. Looking at a talented performer and saying “I could never do that” ensures that you never will. But if you understand that you can achieve those levels of accomplishment by investing yourself in them, the world opens up to you.

• You can be an outstanding athlete. All you have to do is practice and learn
• You can be an outstanding student. All you have to do is learn how to learn and dedicate the time required to your studies.
• You can be a great musician. Study the basics, learn from your betters and practice, practice, practice.
• You can be an outgoing, charismatic person. Study and practice

Believing there’s a talent prerequisite for the things you want to be is a horribly self-defeating worldview. Understand that you CAN do it. It just takes effort.

 

Overcoming Shyness

Shyness can be a real hurdle sometimes. I think everyone has some degree of timidity in their system, but when it becomes restrictive of what you can achieve, it becomes a real problem. Public performance, making friends, standing up for your convictions… shyness can become a real barrier to a positive life if you allow it to control you.

There are a few basic techniques I’ve adopted in life to combat shyness; hopefully one or more will be helpful to you.

Being comfortable is the easiest step. Even the shyest people have settings that they feel comfortable in. Often the most timid people will become completely outgoing in a setting they feel safe in. One way you can combat shyness is to bring some element of the settings you feel comfortable in to the problem situation. Maybe it’s having a friend in the audience in a public performance. Maybe it’s a personal item – a “security blanket” that can empower you. Maybe it’s simply drawing enough energy from your preferred setting prior to the situation to help you stay in control.

You can also make an effort to disconnect negative thoughts. Identify your negative feelings about the situation and replace them with more positive ones. For example, at a party you might be tempted to think “what if I say something dumb”, or “what if I’m not dressed right”, or “what if they think I don’t belong”. In doing so, you tend to create a self fulfilling prophecy – if you’re worried that people will think you don’t belong, you’ll probably prompt them to think just that. What you need to do is replace those ideas with positive ones, and repeat them enough to let them soak in. Instead of fearing you’ll be out of place at a party, think about all the great people you might meet that will think you’re great, too. Instead of living in fear of forgetting your lines in a play, focus on how great it will be to perform and hear the approval of the crowd. Visualizing positive results is half the effort to getting them.

Pump yourself up for the occasion. Stroke your ego and convince yourself that you’re not only appropriate for the situation, but superior to it. Why worry about what the audience of a play thinks – after all, you’re much better than them because you had the nerve to be in the performance instead of the audience. Play a recital with confidence; after all, most of the people out there couldn’t play “Chopsticks” if you held a gun to their heads – you’re much more talented than them, at any rate. Why worry what people think about you personally, seeing as how intelligent, accomplished and superior you are to them anyway? You don’t want to live your life embracing an illusion, but in the short term you can often get over feelings of insecurity by building yourself up to being a bit larger than life.

The best tool for beating shyness is simply being confident in yourself and your abilities – which is the natural result of always working to be the best you can be. Setting goals for yourself and achieving them. Living with integrity.

 

Public Performance

Performing in front of others can be simultaneously the greatest thrill and the worst nightmare of your life. There’s nothing like the thrill of putting yourself out there to public scrutiny and having an audience voice their approval. It’s a validation of your effort to get to that point, and it’s very rewarding to be assured that all your hard work has paid off. It can also be absolutely terrifying to put yourself out there under the microscope.

I’ve got a pretty good grip on this, having directed church music for many years (a capella, no less), performed with a number of bands through my school years, performed solo gigs, talent shows, public speeches, giving presentations, teaching classes, preaching, plays, musicals, etc. I’ve spent a lot of time in front of a crowd.

It wasn’t very easy for me. I was very self-conscious in my younger years and I’ve had to perform in some pressured situations here and there. I’ve very often been called to perform with no preparation. So I learned a few lessons along the way, which might be valuable to you when you find yourself compelled to get out there in front of people.

• Don’t fear the worst. People tend to create irrational fears for themselves when they’re faced with going onstage. They picture a hostile group that wants to see failure. They wonder who out there is thinking “what makes this guy think he’s good enough”. They imagine a judges panel picking apart every nuance of performance, looking for a failure to highlight. And in doing so, we create a nightmare audience that’s exponentially worse than you would ever face in real life. Assuming a worst case scenario is not conducive to a confident delivery, so avoid the temptation. It’s not going to be that bad.
• Realize the audience wants you to succeed. Nobody wants to hear a boring speech, or see a bad performance. People want to be entertained, to be stimulated. And you have a certain amount of built-in credibility, because you’re in the performer’s seat. They assume at some point, someone has deemed you worthy of being under the spotlight and they’ll react accordingly. Look out there and see the encouraging faces. They want you to do well.
• Don’t sweat the mistakes. You as a performer, having practiced your delivery over and over are going to see every nuance of failure. Every missed syllable, bad note, crack of the voice. At times I’ve even concerned myself with whether the audience could tell I was sweating. But unless you’re being formally critiqued, most people are just not going to notice the flubs. Unless you make a huge jump in logic, they won’t know that you missed a sentence in your speech. They won’t know that you didn’t intend to hit that note. And even when your goof is noticeable, the audience will generalize your performance. Give a great speech and chances are they won’t even remember the couple of times you stumbled on a word. A perfect delivery is rare – there’s always some improvement you could have made. So don’t worry about being perfect. Just be great.
• Move with confidence. You will enhance the audience’s willingness to forgive mistakes if you act with confidence. Delivered with enough force, enough presence and with confidence, you can make the audience believe your mistakes were intentional and meaningful.
• Don’t “mug” the crowd. People can get uncomfortable when they feel you’ve singled them out, so don’t look directly at people. Pick a couple of spots near the back of the room and alternate between them. In a room with balconies, pick the middle one and speak to its corners. The exception to this is when you’re making a motivational speech – then it pays to connect to individuals as much as possible.
• Get comfortable. You will likely be standing (or sitting) still during many performances, and it’s often difficult to get comfortable. You’ll shift your weight around, play with your notes and turn this way and that until you find a comfy spot. All that moving and settling can amplify nervousness, as you’re facing two challenges at once. So experiment while you’re practicing – try standing with your weight evenly distributed, or shift your weight to one leg or another. Figure out where your notes need to be, or how you’ll trigger your slides or whatever. Find a comfortable posture that you can maintain for a while. Then, when you actually perform, you can slip right into “your” position. You’ll feel settled, confident and ready to go. One thing I learned about myself is that because of years of playing in bands with foot-triggered guitar rigs, I was really more comfortable singing if I had my right foot propped up on a surrogate pedalboard. So every time I stepped to a podium to lead singing, I’d prop that foot up on the back of the podium and feel ready to go.
• Know your part. The best method of defeating stage fright is to have your act down cold. Know it inside and out. Be able to deliver that speech in your sleep. One of my main contributors to stage fright was little failures. I’d make a minor flub and get scared that I wouldn’t be able to recover. Even when minor, that little bit of time it takes to get yourself back on track can be devastating. You’re never really comfortable when you’re not sure where you’re going next. So know your thing cold, so there’s never a time when you’re looking for the next line. It will seriously defeat the butterflies in your stomach.
• Feed the physical. Little physical cues can really mess you up. A dry mouth, excess sweat, pages that won’t turn can really be a source of frustration. So go prepared. If you sweat a lot, carry something unassuming to blot it up – a white paper towel, folded in sixths is a great tool to have. Have some gum or a mint to combat dry mouth, or carry a glass of water to the podium if it’s permissable. Fluff your notes ahead of time, or carry some fingertip lube in your pocket and give yourself a pinch of it before walking out. If it’s stormy out, pocket a tiny flashlight in case the power goes out. You’ll learn a lot of your particular needs after a few performances, so learn from your problems and be ready next time.

There are some situations in which the audience is not as supportive as you’d like them to be. Maybe you’ve got a captive crowd that would rather be elsewhere (like a school assembly). Maybe it’s a competition and the audience is behind someone else. Or maybe you are performing for a review, or a grade. That’s when you’ve really got to lean on your self confidence to help you deliver well.

I always got a boost of confidence by reminding myself that I was the one performing. In front of me is a whole audience of people that didn’t have the talent, didn’t have the drive or were just plain too timid to take on what I’m doing. So what if my performance wasn’t my best – I’ve still trumped the audience’s best efforts by just being willing to step out there. Stroke your own ego a bit and pump yourself up so you know you’re superior to your critics. It’s not an attitude you want to manifest daily, but it can give you that little boost to help you deliver with confidence.

Like any other skill, performance gets better with practice. So perform often, learn from your mistakes and be willing to put yourself out there.

Remember – “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

 

Building Self Confidence

Self-confidence is key to achieving your goals, gaining popularity and keeping yourself motivated. Simply believing you can accomplish something will often give you the momentum to do so, whereas constantly doubting your abilities will invariably bring about failure.

Remember that self-confidence is not bravado. Anyone can sound off to themselves or others and declare themselves to be an outstanding person. And to a degree, it can even carry you somewhere in the eyes of others. But without a thorough confidence in yourself, you’ll be constantly pulled down by the nagging voice of your conscience saying that you’ll fail. You need to feel good about yourself and your abilities without requiring any sort of self-deception in order to reap the benefits.

A few suggestions toward self-confidence:

• Make promises to yourself and keep them. Set little goals and achieve them. Nothing builds self confidence like achievement.

• Refer to yourself in positive terms. Emphasize what you can do, not what you can’t. And what you genuinely can’t do, refer to as something you haven’t done or never tried yet.

• Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and recognize your good points. Behavioralists say that most people underestimate their personal appearance by as much as 25% compared to public opinion. So don’t sell yourself short. Walk out knowing you’re an attractive person.

• Stay away from negative influences. If people talk you down, recognize that it’s an attempt to bring you down, not a statement of fact. Avoid the people that tend to devalue you. Similarly alternate spending your time with people who make you feel good about yourself and people you respect and want to emulate.

• Remember that nobody is perfect, everyone is a beginner at something, and no one gets it right the first time. Everyone has insecurities – even the most successful people. If you fail, it’s generally because you just haven’t had enough practice.

• Wear clothes that make you feel good – clothes that are comfortable and project the image you want others to see. A fun observation is to notice how many more people call you “sir” or “ma’am” when you wear a suit. It can up your confidence significantly if you feel like your clothes represent you. But make sure they fit well and allow for movement so you don’t get caught in the trap of pulling at your collar.

• Be careful who you trust, and only share your secrets with the closest of friends. Friendships sometimes break, and it can really shatter your confidence to have all your deep dark secrets paraded out in front of your peers.

• Never compromise your principles, even to maintain a relationship or career. This defeats you thoroughly inside, and it’s difficult to recover. Once you know that you can’t trust yourself not to sell out, it’s hard to regain that trust.

• Exercise. Good fitness boosts self confidence immensely. You feel better about the way you carry yourself, you’re not bogged down by excessive weight, and you have energy in store.

• Avoid addictions. Knowing you have a monkey on your back, whether its hard drugs or caffeine, keeps you in the frame of mind that you’re not your own master. Overcome them.

Be confident. You have a unique gift to give to the world, so give it.

 

Practicing Your Weaknesses

The only thing that differentiates between your being an amateur and and expert is dedication.

So many people convince themselves that they’ve missed their chance to be a musician, or an athlete, or a scholar, or an entrepeneur or a leader of men because they are too young or old, or have no natural talent, or they don’t have sufficient opportunity.

The truth is, standouts in any field are not necessarily people who have a natural inclination for their talent, or a positive genetic inheritance, or an uncle on the board. Standouts tend to have gifts in the area of concentration, dedication and will.

Dr. Anders Ericsson, has spent most of his 20+ year career on the study of genuises, prodigies, and superior performers. In the book The New Brain Ericsson concludes:

“For the superior performer the goal isn’t just repeating the same thing again and again but achieving higher levels of control over every aspect of their performance. That’s why they don’t find practice boring. Each practice session they are working on doing something better than they did the last time.”

Most of us want to spend our time on things we already do well. It’s more satisfying to remind yourself of your mastery so far. But when you focus only on those things, you neglect the things you don’t do well. And as a result, those things never improve.

If you want to be a great guitar player, you’ll never get there playing the same old riffs over and over. You might get a record deal, but not talent The fact is, if you want to get better, you have to practice doing the things you don’t do well. You’ve got to get the pinkie finger working. You’ve got to solidify your picking hand technique. You’ve got to learn those awkward stretches. You can’t just keep banging out “Stairway to Heaven” at every practice session.

One trick ponies rarely make it. Occasionally they get their time in the limelight, but it’s never for long. History rewards the people who deliver across the board.

So whatever you’re looking to excel in, you need to find the aspects you’re not so good at. Maybe it’s communication, or negotiation, or research, or following up loose ends. Find those things and work on them side by side with your strengths, and you’ll be a stronger competitor for the effort.

It may seem really boring doing ball handling drills when you’d rather be shooting 3 pointers. But later in the game, when the ball needs to get down the court, you’ll be ready.

 

Focusing on Solutions

Everyone experiences a particular inclination to see things in a certain way. It’s called a mindset, and it’s a powerful influence over your cognitive processes If you are of the mindset that people are basically bad, you are likely to interpret innocent statements as malicious attacks. If your mindset is that people are basically good, you may well see even an intentional slur as an innocent gesture.

This in itself could be applied to a host of discussions. But today I want to talk about motivation.

Motivation is a struggle we all share. We all want to be the best people we can be. We all want to achieve and stand out among the crowd. We all want to line up our goals, work honestly toward them and mold ourselves into the ideals we have for ourselves. But so often, it’s hard to get started. Or to keep going. Or to add a little more effort. Our brains find excuses to do otherwise. I’m too tired to exercise today. I’m not in the mood to study. I can sleep just a little later. I’m too young to make a difference. I’m too old to make a change.

If you want to live a life guided by purpose instead of excuses, you need to train yourself to focus on solutions instead of problems. Problems demand caution, hesitation, doubt and negative motion. Solutions encourage action, confidence and progression.

One of the simplest ways to implement this is to train yourself to seek solutions instead of problems. Instead of dwelling on the things holding you back, spend time on the things that allow you to move forward.

• When faced with the snooze button on your morning alarm, consider “What kind of things can I accomplish today” instead of “Can I get away with sleeping in for a few more minutes”
• When lacking motivation to exercise, ask yourself “Could I lift more than last time” instead of “What harm would come of skipping today”
• When struggling with a diet, think “How much better will this meal make me look” instead of “Am I going to have to give up my favorite foods forever”
• At the end of a work day, think “What else could I get out of the way” instead of “Can I get away with knocking off early”
• When you’re nervous at a party or social situation, think “What things in common might I find with people here tonight” instead of “Am I embarassing myself”

You see, when you focus on your problems, you just reinforce them. Even if you generate solutions, you’re likely to stall them considering the problems that they may introduce. You’re basically focusing on things you can’t control, and realizing that just breeds more negativity. But if you learn to focus on what you control, what you can do, what actions you can take – then you have something you can work with. A reason to get up and get moving. A light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t worry about the things you can’t change. Focus on the things you can.