Negative thinking is likely the most damaging thing a person can do to themselves. It has a way of creeping into your thoughts unchecked and making house there. It’s reinforced by popular media. And it’s easy to get on the bandwagon when it’s flaunted by a friend. And it systematically limits your potential and your mental health.
I want to give you some examples of negative thinking and suggest some paths to replacing it with something more positive.
I will be happy when _____
Whether you’re waiting to get out of school, get in a relationship, acquire an amount of money or getting past a problem situation, the result is the same. The goal never gets there. If you think a million dollars will make you happy, be assured the figure will become two million when you get closer to the goal. That’s just the way it works. The mystique of the near-unattainable goal is what drives you, not the hard figures. You can be happy right now. Count your blessings, see the positive side of things. Keep pursuing your goals, but understand that happiness is not connected to them, and never will be.
I wish I were as ____ as _____
Maybe you want to be as attractive/ talented/ wealthy/ popular as a particular peer or celebrity. The truth is, there’s always someone better out there. If you get to a point where you equal your point of comparison, the point of comparison will change. Comparing yourself to others is not a winning proposition. You’ll either never live up to your goals, or you’ll set them too low. The real race is with yourself, learning to be better than you were yesterday and searching for your potential. Comparison points are just mileposts. Work to be a better you.
I can’t do anything right – I’m a failure
Everyone is a failure from a particular point of view. The most successful people fail regularly – but they achieve success because they refuse to let it slow them down. Remember your successes and celebrate them. And understand that when you fail, you’ve simply learned how not to do something and in so doing, made the path to success a little bit clearer.
And keep in mind that everyone thinks like this occasionally. The guy you envy for his sports prowess may be just as jealous of you for your intelligence. The girl you want to be as popular as may envy your stable family life.
Why do bad things always happen to me?
Bad things happen to everyone. It’s part of the natural ebb and flow of life. Everyone has ups and downs. If you’re at a low point, you have to understand that things will get better. If you’re riding high, understand that bad things will eventually come your way. Just make sure it doesn’t hold you back. Keep moving forward and the pain, the hurt, the suffering will eventually pass. Learn from your experience, avoid it next time if you can and grow stronger from the effort. The only losers in life are the ones who quit trying.
I can’t ______
Then you won’t. Simple as that. If you limit yourself in your mind, you won’t ever go beyond that limit. Turn your thinking around and say “I can”. Very, very little is outside the reach of a person who’s motivated to reach a goal. I learned “never say never” when I saw 5′7″ Spud Webb win the 1986 NBA Slam Dunk competition – beating 6′8″ Dominique Wilkins.
Certainly I could go into more depth here. But the important thing to glean is that negative thinking is an adversary in itself - just focusing on what you aren’t limits what you can be.
