Letters to My Kids

You’re not really happy with me now. We seem to have a lot of these moments lately. Usually the impetus is that I’m asking you to do something that’s a little difficult for you and you’d prefer to do something easier – or you’d just rather have me do it for you.

The easy way out of things always seems so attractive. It’s much more convenient to do things you already do well. It gives you a little ego rush and a big boost of confidence and often you can just about do it on automatic pilot.

But taking the easy way out isn’t as fun as it seems on the surface. Meeting a challenge is preferable on several fronts:

• When you’re challenged, you grow. You better learn your limitations and get a clear idea of how much you’re going to have to work to get to the next level. You get a better idea of how much effort something is going to take and that makes it easier to plan for it the next time around. And the more you practice something, the better you get at it.
• When you decide you will meet a challenge and do so, you fulfill a promise to yourself. In doing so, you begin to regard yourself as a capable and trustworthy person. This is the definition of integrity.
• When you challenge yourself and succeed, the gratification is easily ten times the superficial ego boost of doing something you’ve already done. When you repeat an action, you remind yourself that you’re at a certain level of achievement. When you meet a challenge, you remind yourself that you have the ability to move up and get better and better.
• When you challenge yourself, you expand your perspectives. If you keep yourself in your “comfort zone”, you find that the scenery stays static. There’s little new to consider. You tend to go to the same places, eat the same things, work the same way – because it’s comfortable, trusted and easy. It also gets very boring! If you are the kind of person that regularly challenges yourself, you find yourself seeking new horizons and finding new things you enjoy that you didn’t know about before.

Resist the temptation to stand still. In the end, challenging yourself is much more rewarding.

You’re always a bit more confident when repeating an accomplishment that you are when attempting something for the first time. When accomplishment has removed the last shadows of doubt, you step more easily into the role – you know you can do it. So when you’re faced with a difficult task, why not do it the second time instead?

It’s a known fact that your brain has difficulty distinguishing a vivid impression from a real event. If you can vividly imagine the details of an accomplishment, your brain believes to a degree that you’ve already accomplished it in real life. By sitting down and visualizing a situation, you can experience it for the first time on your own terms, giving you confidence for a repeat performance.

The more vivid your visualization, the more powerful an effect will be generated. So imagine yourself successfully completing the attempt with as many details as possible.

For example, imagine you are supposed to deliver a speech to a large group for the first time. Picture in your mind the experience from start to finish:

• How will you get to the location? If you’re driving, what does the car look/smell/sound like? Will you be sleepy, or finishing up a meal? Where will your parking space be? What will the weather be like as you enter the building?
• Where will you wait before going onstage? Will you be reviewing notes? What does this place look/smell/sound like? Are you nervous? Sweating?
• How will you be announced? How long a walk to the podium? Will you greet the audience as you walk onstage or wait until you reach the podium? How will your notes be arranged on the podium? Will you have a glass of water there? Is the audience friendly, hostile, indifferent? How many people will be in attendance? Can you see their faces clearly?
• What tone of voice will you use as you deliver the speech? Will you be nervous or sweating? How much will you use your hands? Will you have specific gestures designed to emphasize a point, or just express yourself freely? What’s the climax of your speech and will you emphasize it with your tone of voice or a gesture?
• How much applause will follow when you finish? Will you answer questions? What sort of questions will be asked? Are there any topics you intend to avoid? How will you exit the stage? Where will you go after exiting?
• Will you greet your audience after dismissal? What will you say to people who compliment you? How long will you greet the group? What will you do after it’s over?

Of course, you’re not going to be able to determine all the details of your performance to come. You might be wrong about a lot of things. But going through the process of visualizing the entire walkthrough will put you at ease about your performance and allow you to do your best work.