Sometimes I wonder if grown-ups are quite as smart as they think they are.

When we took you to preschool for the first time and you got over your “I’m not sure I want to be here” jitters, the first thing you did was head for the nearest classmate and start asking questions.

  • “What’s your name?”
  • “Do you like Spiderman?”
  • “I saw Star Wars!”

Draw that in stark contrast with your parents, who while friendly, have a completely different approach:

  • “So the early drop off time is 6:30? ” (We’re rarely out of bed by this time)
  • “Nice weather, huh?” (It’s 68 and sunny… really insightful dialogue)
  • “What’s the menu like?” (As if you’d eat anything besides chicken nuggets anyway…)

The difference, of course, is that the child is having meaningful dialogue, collecting necessary information, determining compatability, forging partnerships. The parents are trying to appear friendly and looking for the exit. We’re doing “small talk”.

Where do we learn to start shutting potential relationships out of our lives with barriers of sports scores, meteorology and anectotes? We so crave human contact, yet avoid it for fear of finding the wrong human to contact. We would live and die by our friends, but do so little to make more of them. It seems we almost have to be forced into our closest relationships. Neighbors. Soldiers in foxholes. Teammates. Coworkers. Fellow students. We endure people uncomfortably until circumstance forces us to have something in common to discuss.

Be the mold-breaker. Avoid the small talk. Learn something about the people around you. Ask their names. Understand their interests. Learn their habits. Share their dreams.

Of course it’s a big world, and it’s not practical to know everyone. And frankly, you don’t need to know some of them. But you can know the people that you’re around regularly and feel safe with. You can share facts about yourself without sharing contact information or where you live or anything else that might be a safety concern. You can avoid limiting yourself to a couple of friends. You can talk to the others in line for tickets, or a table away at a restaurant, or in the foyer of a church.

A great exercise is to challenge yourself to learn one thing about a person you spend time around that you couldn’t determine just by looking at them. Maybe it’s their opinion, or some history, or some skill. Compliments work well if you can convince a stranger you have no ulterior motive.

At worst, you might make life a bit more bearable for a few minutes. At best, you might find a new best friend. And if you get in the habit young, you’ll be an expert networker before you know it. The old adage “it’s not what you know, but who you know” was never more applicable. You can get a real head start on life by knowing the right people.

Let the masses waste their times holed up in their little barriers. Get to know people.