There’s a whole subculture in this (and likely every) generation that seems to have an inability to take responsibility for themselves. So many people seem inable to accept their shortcomings and intend to somehow offload responsibility on a third party. These people are not that difficult to spot:

  • The ethnic, religious, sexual or economic minority that blames their alienation on bigoted attitudes
  • The friendless people who convince themselves their unpopularity is the result of someone’s antagonism
  • The emotionally handicapped who are convinced they are driven to their withdrawal by the pressure of society, responsibilities or specific scapegoats they can scrape together

The list is easily extendable, easily recognizable. The man/woman tagging all their failures on their spouse, or their children, or their parents. Or society or government or choices they made or choices made for them.

Certainly there are situations that cause problems for people. Certainly there are those who find themselves handicapped in some manner, or behind whatever curve they are addressing in some manner. And the situation may or may not be their fault.

The greatest shame is when these people decide they’re found their excuse to keep from moving forward in life. That they are lazy enough to determine that they’ve been cut short, can never catch up and will thus be less than they could be for the rest of their lives.

At least in my generation, the most obvious subculture is the “welfare crowd”. These are persons that prefer not to do any work and instead work toward acquiring some sort of situation that will allow them to receive a subsidy of some sort to allow them to avoid getting a job. Either with an injury or handicap that gets them a physical disability subsidy through the government or a private lawsuit, or having multiple children to receive a childcare subsidy, or the like. These are people that have consigned themselves to live on a substandard income, in substandard living conditions, with no hope for advancement outside of charity. It’s obvious to the outsider what has transpired. But querying them, the resounding answer comes back that they “had no choice” or “I didn’t ask for what happened to me”. A classic example of people that just refuse to take responsibility for themselves.

Understand, children, that I’m not referring to the genuinely needy. Certainly “the poor are with us always” and you should, as a responsible person, have compassion for them and seek to provide for their needs wherever you can. And occasionally it’s a bit tricky divulging the needy from the hucksters out there. You have to find the trustworthy out there to trust.

But the thrust of this letter is not about everyone else, but yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions. Everyone makes mistakes. Live up to them, learn from them and move on. Resist the temptation to take the easy way out of situations – you almost always find yourself with something less than what you want and something completely unsatisfying. Understand that you are in control of your destiny; you can achieve whatever you want. You may have a harder or easier path than others who have sought to do the same thing, but very few things in this life can be denied for those who are willing to seek them.

Keep in mind:

  • A teacher cannot “keep you” from succeeding in a class. Their bias may be in your imagination. It may be able to be cleared up by approaching them on a friendly level. You may be able to take the class under another teacher, or at another school, or through an alternate education program.
  • A supervisor cannot “keep you” from moving up. If the problem is your qualifications, you can improve them. If it is a personality conflict, it can be worked around or you can find another supervisor, or another company, or another revenue opportunity.
  • A person with which you have a personality conflict cannot “keep you” from having friends, joining a group, enjoying your life, etc. You can commit yourself to the people you do not conflict with and exclude this person’s influence from your life.

Of course, going about things like this are not always easy. You may very well decide that changing schools, jobs or social circles is a greater handicap than the original problem; that it “just isn’t worth it”. And that’s fine, if you so choose. But understand that this is the limitation you chose, not the one you have to live with.

Doing this helps you in a couple of areas. First, it builds integrity by reassuring you that you control your own destiny. It gives you a feeling of control over your life and situation and often helps you deal with your problems emotionally – because you understand you’ve accepted the situation of your own free will. And most importantly, it means that if it was the wrong decision, you’re free to change it.

One of the greatest gifts we have as human beings is free will. Don’t sell out that priviledge for an easy out. They’re never satisfying.