“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Hamlet
William Shakespeare
I think if there’s one piece of advice I want to pass along it’s this. Maintain your integrity. There are core values you’re going to develop, both those passed along and those you forge yourself, that define you. A lot of things will change as you grow up; your interests and goals will shift, but there are some unchanging principles you will grow into that are non-negotiable, that you will always find peace in.
But life is never black and white. It gets confusing when your goals come into conflict. You may feel the need to go against your principles to gain popularity. Or put off your dreams to support a family. Advice will flow like a river from churches, parents, friends and most anyone you’ll share it with.
Violating your own principles is one of the most crippling mistakes you can make. Once you’ve compromised yourself, there’s a part of you that’s broken and very difficult to repair. It’s hard to have confidence in yourself when you’ve done so and failed in the past.
I have a friend who was determined to escape his middle-lower class background at any cost. To him, that meant money and power. He neglected a family, fought a war he didn’t believe in and put himself permanently in a social structure that he didn’t enjoy, his closest friends people he didn’t believe in. Everyone I know criticizes and berates him behind his back. He got the money, he got the authority. But it’s not fulfilling him now. He traded a life that could have made him very happy for an artificial view he constructed as a child. That’s looking very plastic to him right now.
In my college years, I had some aspirations of being a professional musician, and had a decent enough shot at it. But the more our group spent on the road, the more I considered exactly what I’d have to give up to maintain that lifestyle. Chief among those was a strong family life, which had always been my greatest support in growing up. The pull of the stage was strong, but in the end I decided that what was really important was a group of people that valued me for who I am, not for how I could entertain them. Friends of mine took that route and became very successful, and occasionally there’s a twinge of “what could have been” when I listen to their albums or see them perform. But it only takes a few swapped stories with them these days to understand I made the right choice. Thinking of all the things in your development I’d have missed. Knowing that you’d only see your daddy irregularly and that those visits would always be a somewhat uncomfortable “play day” instead of the nourishing we both needed. The question was hard to answer and it took years to resolve to my satisfaction. But in the end, I knew what was really valuable to me, and I didn’t compromise. It was the right decision.
Nobody is going to make the right decision all of the time. It’s granted that you’ll make mistakes, and it’s part of the learning process of growing up. But you can live with the mistakes if they were made in good conscience. Never go against what you think is right. Never compromise the greater for the lesser. If it means giving up something pleasurable, taking the road less taken or becoming something noone anticipated, go ahead. Selling yourself out is never the right choice.
Make the choices you can live with.
